Frequently Asked Questions:
Submit a question here. All questions will be posted and answered. But not if your question is full of naughty words or is a request for banking details.

Q: Have you won any awards?
A: Yes. I've won first place trophy for backstroke and several for table-tennis. The first award I ever won was for a colouring competition and I was 4 years old. There's many others in a box in the loft somewhere. I can't be bothered to go up there now and sort through them all. It's Sunday.

Q: Who photographed you for your publicity shots on this website Jay?
A: You did Chris.

Q: Do you have a favourite Muller Fruit Corner?
A: Tough one. I'm torn between cherry and blueberry.

Q: Would you come and do our wedding?
A: Is that two separate requests?

Q: Do you normally answer a question with a question (see above)?
A: Who's asking?

Q: Do a trick for me.
A: Think of a lonely individual. Now imagine him/her reading a Frequently Asked Questions page on a website. Now imagine them emailing a request and not a question. Have you got an image in your mind? Hmmm. I'm thinking of a lonely, sad muppet. It's you isn't it?! Ta-da!

Q: Jay, do you know a quick way of opening a jar of pickle? I'm struggling with a jar at the moment. I've tried the old trick of wedging it in a door. If it's any help, it's Branstons.
A: Sorry for the delay in replying. Have you opened it yet? If not, try focusing all of your strength into your arms, down into your hands and then twist suddenly and sharply. That should do it.

Q: It's alright I've opened it. Thanks anyway. By the way couldn't use your method as I've only got one hand. I asked my neighbour to do it.
A: Oh. Sorry to hear about your hand. Sounds like a good neighbour.